Growing Out
Ciao my darlings,
I hope this blog post finds you well and warm after another week of cold weather. Us Sheffielders have been enjoying another bout of snow and it was so beautiful that I couldn't even be angry at it for making me get up earlier to make it into my Woody Allen exam on time. It also offered a lovely backdrop to catching up with my friend Shelby.
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| Seriously gorgeous Sheffield |
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| SO MUCH SNOW!!!! |
This past week has been a whirlwind of revision and desperation yet somehow I managed to fend off the panic and reach a zen state. Remembering the comment of a good friend of mine: "Why do you even worry? Seriously? SERIOUSLY???" definitely helped my worry be more focused at least. Also I had several of good things happen in the busyness of the week that meant I couldn't give over to my desire to hide in bed and not come out until next semester.
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| Celebrated my first exam being over with a tasty snack :) |
Firstly I had a counselling session with my lovely university counsellor- a woman I have come to greatly admire and relate to over the last several months- which meant I could vocalise the build up of anxiety that university work and the Christmas period had caused and deal with it positively. These sessions always leave me exhausted but like a weight has lessened a bit on my chest. She has also taught me to give into the development of my self that the past few months have caused. An empowering decision as for 90% time now I feel like I'm coming into my own of who I am. Following this session I also got to meet up with the majority of my English Lit gang for a revision sesh in the I.C this was a great experience as the support and solidarity of others going through the same experience makes the first set of exams in two years a bit less daunting. It also provided a good chance to catch up too! As did a coffee with my lovely friend Gemma who I hadn't seen in over a month
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| I made the most of the exam offer at coffee revs and got a pot of Red Berry Tea and an Oreo Brownie for £2.50. Tasty :D |
Secondly I spontaneously booked tickets for me and my friend Nicola to go see a dramatic production of To Kill A Mockingbird at the Lyceum Theatre. I have always loved the story since I studied it at GCSE and it still manages to inspire the same level of emotion in me after being subjected to its 'themes' and 'critical reception'. The production was creative with extracts from the story being read allowed being at first jarring then perfectly natural, a musical accompaniment made me wonder why it hadn't been done before and the children's acting was spellbinding. It was an afternoon of a much needed 'intellectual' break from work and I loved every second.
Thirdly the joys of a successful job interview and being offered a job managed to put a humongous smile on my face and I can honestly say was a much needed ego boost. Since then the freak-outs regarding exams have been raging from minor to concerning but I just want them over now.
Anyway my dears onto the real point of this blog post (if you can really say that any of them have a point :) ). In two days time (HOW ON EARTH IS IT THE LAST DAY OF JANUARY ALREADY???) I will turn the dreaded- for me at least- age of 20. The 'celebrations' shall be hampered somewhat by the fact that I have my final exam the next morning *insert expletives directed at the people who decide exam timetables here*. However it means a delayed a double celebration of the fact exams are over as is my teenager years *sob* and I cannot wait to celebrate and kick back with friends over some food.
Whilst I haven't really focussed on the fact my birthday is approaching as my exam has overridden everything and I'm taking my planning on a day by day basis at the moment, my brain has had some time to dwell on the idea of 'Growing Up'. I really dislike this idea. It does not provide any excitement to me at all as it just seems like a never ending parade of responsibility, debt, jobs, and more expensive travel/ticket fairs/everything. All those of you who know me know that I have some how gained a balance of childlike enjoyment of the little things in life such as Minions, snow, swings and other seemingly un-adult pursuits whilst at the same time I like to think life's experiences up to this point has equipped me with an emotional maturity and mastery of some adult realms that I did not particularly wish to venture into. I like this balance and I don't wish to grow up. We all at least know that this is physically impossible as I've missed the growth spurt boat by now and am forever condemned to being mistaken as being the youngest of my three siblings. I mean with pinky fingers this size who can blame them.
However do not fall into the misconception that I am living in some Peter Pan fantasy where I just want to frolic in the world of childhood contentment forever. That would be counter-productive. I just don't want to grow up as such, to leave myself behind and becoming boringly stale in a rigidity of the next life stage. I prefer to think of myself of undergoing the process of 'Growing Out'.
Therefore retaining the elements of childlike wonder for as long as possible and embracing the benefits of older age as I go a long. We all recognise as we grow older that we abandon interests. gain new ones and mature. There are some constants for me such as my love of cheese but refusal to eat the ones that smell or more advanced ones like my belief that a Conservative government will never benefit the needs of society. But as I have gotten older I have learned, grown out of 'childish' thinking and expanded my reach. Reconsidered my views on everything from on religion, abortion, veggie bacon, artichokes, to love. Some of this 'growing out' has been natural, unnoticed. As I grow older and tastes change as well as the more information I gather on things. Yet others I can sense happening, and are sad to let go. Then there are those that you don't want to grow out of, but life's experiences force them into a perspective and others make the choice for you.
Growing out is good, more healthy and more natural, for the most part, than forcing yourself to grow 'up' past things that are no longer suitable or deemed age appropriate by society. I relish the fact that I grow and learn from the people I have in my life each day and the lessons they taught me as well as those from the books I read, the television programmes I watch. That growing out, expanding your vision, choosing the bits of yourself you want to keep is, in the end, going to last longer than doing something to seem more adult. Also things you grow out of at one point in your life can be revisited later on when you're ready for them, it leaves an option rather than going 'up' past them and cutting off later routes of growth. I am proud of the 'growing out' I've done in these past 19 years. They haven't all been easy ones and some have been an amazing gift. But I know I've done a lot of growing in them -metaphorically speaking- and I'm proud of my ability to learn, even though there are many things I'm still struggling to learn.
I hope that that in my 20s I will grow even more into the woman I want to be, and not grow up but out until I've filled in all those pieces and I'm ME. But some things will not change. I will still love Harry Potter more than life itself. I will still value the ability to laugh at the little things in life. I will still not be able to go past a park without going on the swings. I will still work for a world where mental health issues are recognised, and people are not discriminated against based on race, gender or sexual preference. I will still believe that War is never the answer regardless of the question. I will still make it my mission to live in Italy. I will still hope to be a person who believes in dreams, true love, magic and is a friend to anyone who needs her.
If I'm not someone please give me a good talking to because it means that I've grown up!
I'm going to savour those last moments of my teenage years tomorrow night in my traditional balanced fashion of reading a Harry Potter book because that's just me. Realistically I know that age is just a number but I still hope 20 will be a good one.
I'll let you know. And remember:
Much love and many thanks for reading,
Mx
P.S. Those smart cookies who read my last post will have indeed noticed that I made a miscalculation in my ABCs. There is a clear reason why I did not do maths as my degree as there are 26 letters in the alphabet not 24... I will therefore do three letters each in the month of November and December to compensate.
Song of The Week: A new find of mine from the delight that is Radio 2: The Overtones- Something Good
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| Can't beat a good theatre outing with this gal! Even if we did end up in the last row of theatre it was still amazing! |
Thirdly the joys of a successful job interview and being offered a job managed to put a humongous smile on my face and I can honestly say was a much needed ego boost. Since then the freak-outs regarding exams have been raging from minor to concerning but I just want them over now.
Anyway my dears onto the real point of this blog post (if you can really say that any of them have a point :) ). In two days time (HOW ON EARTH IS IT THE LAST DAY OF JANUARY ALREADY???) I will turn the dreaded- for me at least- age of 20. The 'celebrations' shall be hampered somewhat by the fact that I have my final exam the next morning *insert expletives directed at the people who decide exam timetables here*. However it means a delayed a double celebration of the fact exams are over as is my teenager years *sob* and I cannot wait to celebrate and kick back with friends over some food.
Whilst I haven't really focussed on the fact my birthday is approaching as my exam has overridden everything and I'm taking my planning on a day by day basis at the moment, my brain has had some time to dwell on the idea of 'Growing Up'. I really dislike this idea. It does not provide any excitement to me at all as it just seems like a never ending parade of responsibility, debt, jobs, and more expensive travel/ticket fairs/everything. All those of you who know me know that I have some how gained a balance of childlike enjoyment of the little things in life such as Minions, snow, swings and other seemingly un-adult pursuits whilst at the same time I like to think life's experiences up to this point has equipped me with an emotional maturity and mastery of some adult realms that I did not particularly wish to venture into. I like this balance and I don't wish to grow up. We all at least know that this is physically impossible as I've missed the growth spurt boat by now and am forever condemned to being mistaken as being the youngest of my three siblings. I mean with pinky fingers this size who can blame them.
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| WHY ARE MY HANDS THIS SMALL??? |
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| Although I do concur with this quote. |
Therefore retaining the elements of childlike wonder for as long as possible and embracing the benefits of older age as I go a long. We all recognise as we grow older that we abandon interests. gain new ones and mature. There are some constants for me such as my love of cheese but refusal to eat the ones that smell or more advanced ones like my belief that a Conservative government will never benefit the needs of society. But as I have gotten older I have learned, grown out of 'childish' thinking and expanded my reach. Reconsidered my views on everything from on religion, abortion, veggie bacon, artichokes, to love. Some of this 'growing out' has been natural, unnoticed. As I grow older and tastes change as well as the more information I gather on things. Yet others I can sense happening, and are sad to let go. Then there are those that you don't want to grow out of, but life's experiences force them into a perspective and others make the choice for you.
 |
| Visual reminder for you all. |
Growing out is good, more healthy and more natural, for the most part, than forcing yourself to grow 'up' past things that are no longer suitable or deemed age appropriate by society. I relish the fact that I grow and learn from the people I have in my life each day and the lessons they taught me as well as those from the books I read, the television programmes I watch. That growing out, expanding your vision, choosing the bits of yourself you want to keep is, in the end, going to last longer than doing something to seem more adult. Also things you grow out of at one point in your life can be revisited later on when you're ready for them, it leaves an option rather than going 'up' past them and cutting off later routes of growth. I am proud of the 'growing out' I've done in these past 19 years. They haven't all been easy ones and some have been an amazing gift. But I know I've done a lot of growing in them -metaphorically speaking- and I'm proud of my ability to learn, even though there are many things I'm still struggling to learn.
I hope that that in my 20s I will grow even more into the woman I want to be, and not grow up but out until I've filled in all those pieces and I'm ME. But some things will not change. I will still love Harry Potter more than life itself. I will still value the ability to laugh at the little things in life. I will still not be able to go past a park without going on the swings. I will still work for a world where mental health issues are recognised, and people are not discriminated against based on race, gender or sexual preference. I will still believe that War is never the answer regardless of the question. I will still make it my mission to live in Italy. I will still hope to be a person who believes in dreams, true love, magic and is a friend to anyone who needs her.
If I'm not someone please give me a good talking to because it means that I've grown up!
I'm going to savour those last moments of my teenage years tomorrow night in my traditional balanced fashion of reading a Harry Potter book because that's just me. Realistically I know that age is just a number but I still hope 20 will be a good one.
I'll let you know. And remember:
Much love and many thanks for reading,
Mx
P.S. Those smart cookies who read my last post will have indeed noticed that I made a miscalculation in my ABCs. There is a clear reason why I did not do maths as my degree as there are 26 letters in the alphabet not 24... I will therefore do three letters each in the month of November and December to compensate.
Song of The Week: A new find of mine from the delight that is Radio 2: The Overtones- Something Good
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